Disapointments.

Today, wasn't as well as i thought it would have gone.  Last night i finally fell asleep around midnight and woke up two hours later feeling like i had water in my lungs. Maybe from being trapped under the jet-ski for too long. So i stayed up and got ready to go to church with my mom and grandma.  When we picked my mom up she wasn't in the best mood.  She was really crabby so we didn't talk on the way to church.   She goes to Hillsdale Assembly of God.  It wasn't what i was used to but it was a nice service and it was nice to see my mom having christian friends. 

  After that, we went shopping so i could get a new camera and then we went to Adams fruit market. We came home and i went down to the beach.  She came down for about 15  minutes and then decided that she wanted to go in the house.  It kinda sucked that she didn't want to spend time with me. I just said i was going to stay down on the beach so i threw the ball out for Tye; my grandparents lab. We were out there for a few hours and then when i finally came up i walked in to my mom and grandpa screaming at each other with language i don't use.  I walked out of the house and to the mulberry trees on the fields next to their house.  After a few minutes i walked back to the house hoping the foul language and screaming would be done.   It definitely was because my mom was crying and getting her things together.

Our original plan was she was going to spend the night with me at my grandparents.  She had other plans for the rest of the week so today and tomorrow, and the 4th are the only days i can see her. I just went out  to the sun room because i didn't want to be in the middle of all  the chaos.  She came in there and asked if i wanted to stay at her place.  I explained to her i wouldn't feel comfortable being with her un-supervised and she got angry. 

I can't help that i don't trust her yet. She's broken my trust to many times. Trust is something i don't give out often. I can count on my hands the people i trust. She may get mad, but i know i'm only protecting myself.

It kinda makes me sad that she wouldn't try to stay to spend time with me.   I have no time to come up here for the rest of the summer.  Today was our only chance.  I understand her and my grandpa got into it- but they are just words.  They both said mean things. Why couldn't she have stopped yelling and walked away?  Honestly, why couldn't she have tried?  Tried for me- nobody else.   

It's times like last night and today when i miss my dad terribly.  Last night when i got in finally-  i would have called my dad first thing.  Today when she left i would have called him and he would have made me feel better.  But instead im stuck writing on here. The only thing that is good about today is that at 7 i get to skype with my best friend who's in Mexico.  I think i'm going to try and focus on that.