"Higher than the mountains i will face, stronger than the power of the grave. Constant through the trial and the change, one things remains, one thing remains. Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me. Because on, and on, and on and on it goes. For it overwhelms and satisfy my soul. And i never, ever, have to be afraid. One thing remains, one thing remains. Your love never fails it never gives up, it never runs out on me." One Thing Remains sung by Jesus Culture.
I love the line and i never, ever have to be afraid. Why? Because it makes me feel better when i hear stuff i don't like. A lot of people who know my dad, know that he has been in a wheelchair for years. They know that he proudly served in the army and suffers from it today. They know that he is the parent that i go to most- because he didn't leave me.
But- lately in the last few months, his health has really started to scare me. It's been good for about 2 weeks now, until yesterday. My dad for the past year has gone to his doctor because he is getting little to none circulation to his feet. Something that they have been trying to deal with for a while now, but nothing is working. So they are looking at other options. One of those, that my dad told me last night, was him getting his feet amputated.
I have never experienced anyone in my own life having any sort of amputation. I am scared, and i can't bear the though of seeing my dad without feet. That line about not being afraid helped me, i'm not saying i'm not scared- because i am. I'm not saying that when the day comes that i'm going to handle it okay- because i wont. But i am saying that through it all, God will be with him, and i will be next to him for as long as i possibly can.
-Nothing in life is to feared. It is only to be understood. A famous quote by Marie Curie.
So, i'll find out in a few months exactly whats going to happen, but at the looks of it, it's not going to go well.
Jesus, over 2000 years ago, gave the greatest sacrifice, i can't be upset with him for asking so little of me. I just have to accept it, pray about it, and live with it. I am fully prepared to. I just need help on the praying part.
Lately, i feel as if i haven't prayed as much, because " I don't have time". But the real truth is i make time for things that are important to me. I need to go back to praying like i was, because things felt a lot better back then. I don't know what is important to you, but i'm going to log off and go pray for my daddy. <3
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
I will be clay in the potters hand.
Stuck... keep moving. Stuck..... don't let it die- stay alive because it's almost over now. Lyrics to a song i heard this weekend. A song of motivation and never giving up because it's almost over.
Today, in church my pastor started a new series. It's called; 30 second theology. And it's about how even though most people hate commercials they affect us more than we realize. He used the example of a Geico commercial. It was amazing how he got a whole sermon from a 30 second commercial. What amazed me is now that i am thinking about it all of the commercials i have watched in the last 15 minutes could be related back to God and the Bible.
I am doing last minute touch ups on a speech i am going to deliver in less than a month and Mr. Kevin asked me to find my life Bible verse. But i am having trouble. There are three Bible verses that mean a lot to me.
Isaiah 40:31- But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint.
I love this Bible verse for many reasons. I'll be completely honest- i have HUGE trust issues. Ever since i was little i have been terrified to share anything, the few people i do trust are the people who i go to for everything. This verse shows me that i can trust in God also.
Deuteronomy 31:6- So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.
I also love this Bible verse because i know that i shouldn't fear anything, that i have God by my side. When i feel like all odds are against me i read this verse and i feel safe.
Psalm 27:1- The Lord is my light and my salvation- so why should i be afraid? The Lord is my fortes, protecting me from danger, so why should i tremble?
Those three verses are my life versus i guess. Versus i rely on when i am upset and in pain.
Lately i have been feeling a little down but these raise my spirits and make me feel better. Today, church lifted my spirits. We sang one of my favorite lines in a song; I will be clay in the potters hands, i will be light in a darkened land, i will be love lite on fire, Holy Spirit burn on the inside. This song; Inside by Jared Anderson made me feel refreshed.
I know i haven't written in a while; it's just that lately i don't know what to write about. I'm praying that everything will be back to normal soon and also praying that i can get through this speech! Wish me luck! (:
Today, in church my pastor started a new series. It's called; 30 second theology. And it's about how even though most people hate commercials they affect us more than we realize. He used the example of a Geico commercial. It was amazing how he got a whole sermon from a 30 second commercial. What amazed me is now that i am thinking about it all of the commercials i have watched in the last 15 minutes could be related back to God and the Bible.
I am doing last minute touch ups on a speech i am going to deliver in less than a month and Mr. Kevin asked me to find my life Bible verse. But i am having trouble. There are three Bible verses that mean a lot to me.
Isaiah 40:31- But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint.
I love this Bible verse for many reasons. I'll be completely honest- i have HUGE trust issues. Ever since i was little i have been terrified to share anything, the few people i do trust are the people who i go to for everything. This verse shows me that i can trust in God also.
Deuteronomy 31:6- So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.
I also love this Bible verse because i know that i shouldn't fear anything, that i have God by my side. When i feel like all odds are against me i read this verse and i feel safe.
Psalm 27:1- The Lord is my light and my salvation- so why should i be afraid? The Lord is my fortes, protecting me from danger, so why should i tremble?
Those three verses are my life versus i guess. Versus i rely on when i am upset and in pain.
Lately i have been feeling a little down but these raise my spirits and make me feel better. Today, church lifted my spirits. We sang one of my favorite lines in a song; I will be clay in the potters hands, i will be light in a darkened land, i will be love lite on fire, Holy Spirit burn on the inside. This song; Inside by Jared Anderson made me feel refreshed.
I know i haven't written in a while; it's just that lately i don't know what to write about. I'm praying that everything will be back to normal soon and also praying that i can get through this speech! Wish me luck! (:
Monday, April 9, 2012
Happy Belated Easter!
I know this is late, but it was supposed to be posted on Easter, but my wifi connectivity was low- and it didn't post.
5,4,3,2,1.... music blasts in my ears, the few hundred people in the room rise from their seats and sing along with the band; raising their hands in praise of our Father- Easter Sunday at Chesterfield Woods of the Nazarene has just begun. An amazing celebration; a miraculous event- MY favorite holiday of the year... EASTER <3
We all know the story of Easter; but what does that change in YOU? The story of Easter is one of my favorite stories in the Bible to read- and to teach to the kids in our Sunday school and my own family. I think it is astounding how a man that has been torched, beaten and almost unable to walk can carry a cross up a hill. This brings me back to a movie- The Passion of Christ. This movie is probably the most gruesome movie i have ever watched but it is definitely the most touching movie I've seen. I'll be honest- i have only watched it 2 times in my life- because it makes my stomach turn. It is the only rated R movie i have ever seen and it made me bawl my eyes out. If you've never seen it- i definitely recommend it. It's the only movie i have ever seen that really portrays the brutal blood bath Jesus had to encounter.
I was thinking about my day when i got ready for bed tonight and i was thinking about what a non- christian/not believer did on Easter. What did i do when i was little and had two parents who didn't have anything to do with God? I got up early to see if the Easter bunny had eaten my carrots and i searched for eggs around our house. I went to the mall and got my picture with the Easter bunny and i went to my aunts house for her famous Easter dinners. But while i was enjoying my time having fun- i never knew until i was 12 what Easter was all about.
When i look back at my childhood, i feel disappointed in the fact that most of it didn't include God. It didn't include any of the values or knowledge i have gained from church. My mom was born into a Catholic family, went to a Catholic school but neglected her religion and God when she turned 18. My dad was Episcopalian, i have honestly no prior knowledge of what that religion is like but when my dad got out of the Army, he seemed to forget everything he learned.
So i grew up faithless. I had to find my own way to God. When i was 8 i remember my best friend Sarah Burns. Her family was Baptist and one morning she came over and asked if i wanted to go to church with her. I remember jumping to the opportunity because my mom had been very angry that day and i wanted to get out of there. When i got to church, it was uncomfortable, but i enjoyed my time and returned with her for the next following months, still never hearing the story of Easter. It was later on in the year when i found a Lutheran church that was walking distance from my house to attend. This church opened my eyes to how wonderful God was. I remember when we would get a new Bible verse to memorize for the week i would come home and share it with my parents- i don't think they truly ever listened- but i told myself they did. The Lutheran church was so much fun, but it came to a time where the church was being shut down. I was devastated. It took me a few months to start looking for another church- and i did. A protestant church. That was the last church i attended in Oakland County because we had to move- and by this time i still hadn't heard the story of Easter.
That's when i moved to Chesterfield. It didn't take long before i started attending the Woods with the Robinson's. I remember vividly the day when i learned the story of Easter. I was in 6th grade..... and it was the day everything in my life took a turn for the better. I was in awe of what happened. That day was the deciding factor for me that my faith was going to sky rocket. It took me a little while but on July 1st of that year i committed my life to God all over again and vowed to live the best Christian life possible. So that's how i became the person i am today.
I don't know if it's the cool colors of the eggs or the message in the sermons. But- Easter has, is, and always will be my favorite holiday.
He has risen- and i am so blessed to know the story of Easter out of all the years missing out. My prayers for the non faithful families is that they would see what they are missing.
I know that when i heard the story of Easter something inside of me changed. I want every non believer to experience that- because it is amazingggg.
I'm going to stop writing and go enjoy the day my Savior has given me.
HE IS ALIVE!<3
5,4,3,2,1.... music blasts in my ears, the few hundred people in the room rise from their seats and sing along with the band; raising their hands in praise of our Father- Easter Sunday at Chesterfield Woods of the Nazarene has just begun. An amazing celebration; a miraculous event- MY favorite holiday of the year... EASTER <3
We all know the story of Easter; but what does that change in YOU? The story of Easter is one of my favorite stories in the Bible to read- and to teach to the kids in our Sunday school and my own family. I think it is astounding how a man that has been torched, beaten and almost unable to walk can carry a cross up a hill. This brings me back to a movie- The Passion of Christ. This movie is probably the most gruesome movie i have ever watched but it is definitely the most touching movie I've seen. I'll be honest- i have only watched it 2 times in my life- because it makes my stomach turn. It is the only rated R movie i have ever seen and it made me bawl my eyes out. If you've never seen it- i definitely recommend it. It's the only movie i have ever seen that really portrays the brutal blood bath Jesus had to encounter.
I was thinking about my day when i got ready for bed tonight and i was thinking about what a non- christian/not believer did on Easter. What did i do when i was little and had two parents who didn't have anything to do with God? I got up early to see if the Easter bunny had eaten my carrots and i searched for eggs around our house. I went to the mall and got my picture with the Easter bunny and i went to my aunts house for her famous Easter dinners. But while i was enjoying my time having fun- i never knew until i was 12 what Easter was all about.
When i look back at my childhood, i feel disappointed in the fact that most of it didn't include God. It didn't include any of the values or knowledge i have gained from church. My mom was born into a Catholic family, went to a Catholic school but neglected her religion and God when she turned 18. My dad was Episcopalian, i have honestly no prior knowledge of what that religion is like but when my dad got out of the Army, he seemed to forget everything he learned.
So i grew up faithless. I had to find my own way to God. When i was 8 i remember my best friend Sarah Burns. Her family was Baptist and one morning she came over and asked if i wanted to go to church with her. I remember jumping to the opportunity because my mom had been very angry that day and i wanted to get out of there. When i got to church, it was uncomfortable, but i enjoyed my time and returned with her for the next following months, still never hearing the story of Easter. It was later on in the year when i found a Lutheran church that was walking distance from my house to attend. This church opened my eyes to how wonderful God was. I remember when we would get a new Bible verse to memorize for the week i would come home and share it with my parents- i don't think they truly ever listened- but i told myself they did. The Lutheran church was so much fun, but it came to a time where the church was being shut down. I was devastated. It took me a few months to start looking for another church- and i did. A protestant church. That was the last church i attended in Oakland County because we had to move- and by this time i still hadn't heard the story of Easter.
That's when i moved to Chesterfield. It didn't take long before i started attending the Woods with the Robinson's. I remember vividly the day when i learned the story of Easter. I was in 6th grade..... and it was the day everything in my life took a turn for the better. I was in awe of what happened. That day was the deciding factor for me that my faith was going to sky rocket. It took me a little while but on July 1st of that year i committed my life to God all over again and vowed to live the best Christian life possible. So that's how i became the person i am today.
I don't know if it's the cool colors of the eggs or the message in the sermons. But- Easter has, is, and always will be my favorite holiday.
He has risen- and i am so blessed to know the story of Easter out of all the years missing out. My prayers for the non faithful families is that they would see what they are missing.
I know that when i heard the story of Easter something inside of me changed. I want every non believer to experience that- because it is amazingggg.
I'm going to stop writing and go enjoy the day my Savior has given me.
HE IS ALIVE!<3
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Results :)
Woke up yesterday (Monday) morning with my stomach in knots. I was worried about the day to come, the first day i was going to spend with my mom in months. The night before, she revealed to me that she had a boyfriend. Something i was not prepared for,and it freaked me out. I was a wreak, i have honestly never even thought about this. But, i set my boundaries, and explained to her that i did not want to meet him, she wasn't too happy about that, but than i explained how the LAST person she was with was my father. When i hung up the phone- i felt weird. I didn't want to see her now- i just wanted to stay home, to stay safe away from her... and him. But when i woke up, i told myself that if he shows up you can leave- but if you don't go and he doesn't show up you are going to regret it.
So thats what i did, i went. And i've got to say- it was probably the best time i've spent with her in over a year. I picked her up at her new house- it was a little strange seeing it, but it was nice. We then went to lunch, and walked downtown Jonesville which is the area that she lives in now. We went into all of the little stores and just had fun, she had some errands to do, so i drove her to the grocery store and to some other places. We found the library and she got registered there, and we took a walk in the park. All in all, it was a really good day, and the subject of her boyfriend never popped up once.
The day was so good- that she is coming over to my grandparents house on Wednesday night to spend the night and in the morning, we are going to go to the Ella Sharp Museum and shopping at the Jackson Mall. I'm so happy to see her in a good mood. She used to be so depressed and never want to go out and do anything, and now i see this huge transformation with her attitude. It was awesome to see my mom, and i'm really glad i made the decision too.
I'm so glad everything went well, it takes a lot of pressure off. I know that every time we hang out, won't be as good as today, but that's okay. Why? Because- today gave me this little thing called- HOPE. (:
Going to spend the rest of this evening outside in the beach with my grandpa. Spring break is going awesome! (:
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Reality.
Right now, at this moment, it is 10:47 pm on Sunday night. I'm sitting in my room upstairs at my grandparents house typing, while their dog Tye snores by under my feet. When i woke up this morning i was refreshed and wanting to write. As the day went on, at church, i knew exactly what i wanted to write about, so i was anticipating this moment right here, right now. But right now, i feel horrible. I feel like my spring break is going to be the worst ever. I just feel so confused, and i can't talk to my family about it, because then my dad will find out. My dad would flip, and i can't go through him being upset again it's too much for him.
So instead i'm going to simply post a song that's dear to my heart right now. It's called a Trophy fathers, Trophy son by Sleeping with Sirens. This song, is what my mood is in right now.
The other day- my friend posted something on facebook along the lines on- music speaks the words i can't say. And i can truly say that's the plain and simple truth. This song speaks all of my fear.
I'm posting the song below, but right now i'm too tired to type anymore, so i'm going to go to bed..... even though i have absolutely know idea of whats going on tomorrow.
So instead i'm going to simply post a song that's dear to my heart right now. It's called a Trophy fathers, Trophy son by Sleeping with Sirens. This song, is what my mood is in right now.
The other day- my friend posted something on facebook along the lines on- music speaks the words i can't say. And i can truly say that's the plain and simple truth. This song speaks all of my fear.
I'm posting the song below, but right now i'm too tired to type anymore, so i'm going to go to bed..... even though i have absolutely know idea of whats going on tomorrow.
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