From the perspective of a floor

I can't blog. I've tried, and tried several times over the past two weeks, and nothing i start has seemed to be finished. So i decieded to take a break from writing and publish some of my favorite pieces from my english class this year; Creative Writing.

There is no real title, and no real idea just me; being creative.

The prompt was; to write from the perspective of a freshly scrubbed floor.


I am the place people dread the most, the place that is so sanitary you can see your own reflection on me. I am the floor of the ICU at McClaren Macomb Hospital.

Every things white; the floor, ceiling, walls and even the beds. Every things in its place. Then they roll a new patient in, his bed takes up quite a lot of room on me, but i don't mind because he's familiar. His voice, he's been here before.

Once, everything seemed so right, so quiet, so clean. Now, people are yelling, there feet sprinting towards the man. Machines are going off, someone yells; "He's going into V-fib!"  Then hear; "CLEAR!" Forces of electricity rushing through his body, now more doctor. All running, shouting trying to help the man.

That's when i hear him, he's coughing, he can't stop. Then i feel it. His blood, it's all over me. The doctors scatter around the room in more of a frantic mood and start shaking him again. This time, it's too late. One of the doctors now yells; "Time of death, 12:21 am.

Once so innocent, so sterile, so white, is now covered with a dead mans blood.

Then i smell it, the sterilizer. They're washing me. Trying to hide the scent and color of what once was.

I can still smell it, the mans blood. They may have thought it was all gone, but i can't forget it.

Then she comes running in the room, a girl. She screams and drops to her knees. Warmth from the tears falling from her eyes soak through me. She screams, "Daddy!"

In the beginning, i was happy, i was white, clean, pure. Now, the mans blood leaves a stain on me. One that no-one other than i can feel.

Although i may appear clean, the stains of peoples blood is soaked in me, i am filthy.


Okay, so i guess i am going to write about this one. Because, while i was crafting it, i was really going through a hard time with the one year date coming up. And when Mrs. Reifert introduced the topic was writing from the floors perspective, in my head at first i was like, oh great this is going to be boring. Then i put headphones in, and was trying to think about a floor that has meaning to me. Then i thought about the floor at my church. And i was going to start writing about that, but church for the most part is a place where i'm happy. I wasn't in a mood to write about that kind of stuff. So i thought, thought and thought. Then Mrs. Reifert suggested doing it at our workplace, a post office, or a hospital. And that's when it clicked.

This piece of writing really helped me come to better understanding with McClaren. I don't like that place at all, but i'm  not so angry towards it.

A dream I wish was true.

It's Friday, and today i haven't had much motivation to do anything.  Last night, i had a dream about my dad, and it just put me in the weird "funk" of a mood. So many things about the dream just seemed so surreal. His voice, the location, just everything. It put me in such a weird place.

It started off on a school bus. I was riding the bus home, and was sitting next to Nicole, who's one of my friends. We were at a red light in front of the Mary and Burke Park, which is my dads fishing spot. I looked out the window and saw my dad in his wheelchair wearing his burgundy fishing hat that was cremated with him along with my two dogs that he treasured; Jazz and Honey. Sadly, Jazz was put to sleep just shortly before my father passed, and Honey just shortly after. In the dream we were still at the red light, and i somehow got to the front of the bus begging her to let me off the bus. I remember just pushing the doors open and running towards him as fast as I've ever ran before.Honey and Jazz saw me and started running towards me, but ignored them and kept running to my dad. I started crying and asking where he'd been and just kept rambling while crying. We sat there for a long time, just talking and i don't even remember most of it. I remember telling him that i missed him and that i wanted him back. He didn't have  much to say, but he looked tired. In the dream, i noticed that the park was deserted. Nobody was anywhere in sight.  One thing i remember very well though, is that after talking for a little, my dad stood up out of his wheelchair, and walked to where i was sitting to give me a hug. He walked, normally And when he gave me the hug, the same roughness i felt from his facial hairs rubbed against my skin making it tickle a little like it has all my life. He smelt of Old spice cologne and tobacco, like he usually did. We played catch with the dogs in the water, and went fishing. I started talking about my mom, and that's the last thing i remember.

I hate  waking up from dreams. It was around 4 am when i woke up and i was really, really hot and i must have been crying in my sleep which i don't think I've ever done before. I tried immediately to go back to sleep, but it didn't work and i got frustrated.

What the heck does this mean? Why am i having a dream like this?   One that's so real. His voice, is the one thing that gets me. HIS VOICE, was real in the dream, and i keep replaying it in my head. It's scary to me.

I keep telling myself, that it's okay it was just a way for him to reach me. But it scares me still. To have a dream as descriptive as that. Why was his hat there? The exact same hat that he was cremated with. It's scary.

In a way, i wish it was all still true. I wish that somehow, this really did happen. That i could have one more day with him.  I feel like it would help me SO much. But i know that's not possible, and that feeling sucks.

Yesterday, i got a call from my grandpa. We were discussing his eye surgeries that have been going on, and how he has been recuperating. He has a form of cancer in the cornea of his eye as well as his eyelid.  About two months ago, he had the first initial surgery, and from then he's had evaluations every two weeks, and a surgery the third. As of yesterday, he's doing pretty good. They have gotten almost all of the reconstruction done of his eye lid, but now need to go work on the cornea. He had to push the date for me to come down a few days later because he won't be able to drive. He continued talking about my grandma, and how everyday he's getting more and more upset because of my grandmas Alzheimer's and eye problems herself. A few years ago, she had surgeries in her eyes that took a lot of her vision away, and she has terrible times with her eyes. My grandparents live on a lake, so boating used to be a normal thing, they used to take one of their boats out and of course a glass of wine and just go around the lake to watch the sun set. She can't go on the boat anymore, because he doctor said if she gets water in her eyes, she's in big trouble. This also forces her for the past year or so to wear these big bulky goggles when shes taking a shower. I don't understand exactly whats wrong with her eyes, but i feel horrible for her.

Then, my grandpa brought up my mom. I honestly wish he didn't. Because now, I'm upset and i shouldn't be.

He started off talking about the email that he sent a few weeks ago about my mom being in trouble and something to do with the court system down by them. When he told me what he meant by that, i got really mad and went outside and started pacing on our back patio trying to stay as calm as possible.

I guess my mom met this guy named Charley, who was around 44. He was pretty much homeless, and did not have a job. She met him somewhere ( my grandpa didn't say where) and she decided that he was going to be her new boyfriend, and let him move in.  Like let me repeat this; a homeless man she knows nothing about, after two days she lets move in into her apartment...  Like REALLY?

So they were doing well, and then my grandparents get a letter in the mail saying that the court of Branch County has decided that they would not be my mothers payee anymore, because they felt Charley, would.   A man she had know for about two weeks now, would distribute her money instead of her parents.... Sounding more and more wonderful right?

My grandparents were confused but went along with it because they didn't understand what was really going on anymore, so they gave Charley the money my mother asked for from her account, because she needed to get groceries.

I guess I'm not making sense if you don't know my actual mom. She's disabled and the income she makes, she cannot control it on her own, so she gets a payee who dishes her the money when she can prove she needs it. Its prevents her from blowing her money on alcohol, and useless things.

So now, Charley who is her payee decided to go out to the store and spend $150 of my moms money on alcohol (just what she needed right).

On Monday of this week, she got upset with Charley, not sure exactly over what, but she demanded for him to leave her apartment and he wouldn't. So she called my grandparents because he was scaring her.  (Uhhhm yeah. You don't know him, or anything about him dummy). My grandpa answered and then heard Charley yelling in the background who forced my mother to hang up. So my grandpa kept calling back and he said there was a little click in the line and he was disconnected. He got worried, and called her landlord, who called the cops.

Charley was removed from my mothers home, and she now has a PPO (Personal Protection Order) against him.

Nice guy, right?

Part of me finds this situation very funny, because it makes me realize that my choice in guys, is SO much better than hers.

I understand if she wanted to help the guy, BUT DON'T MOVE HIM INTO YOUR HOME!!!

I don't get it.

She's literally the most absent minded person i know. I understand she is mentally messed up, but even the dumbest person alive would have the common sense to not do what she did.

It's been so long since I've talked to her. A little over 6 months, and as the time goes by, sometimes i don't really even miss her. Because truthfully, she never gave me anything to miss.  This was her life, making stupid decisions, getting in trouble, and hurting every person around her.

I wonder if she thinks of me though, sometimes I'll lay in bed wondering what she's doing at that exact moment, wondering if she ever wonders how I'm doing in school, or what i want to do with my life. Anything really, but i know better than to call and get myself involved with her again.  

I used to get the urge to hear her voice, so i would call her phone but block my number just to listen to her voice. To know that she was still here. One time, a guy answered, it was a few months ago, but i haven't called back.

I don't know what's up with her, but i know that I'm glad i don't have to deal with things like this.

Summers been okay so far, sleepovers, hours at Partridge Creek, movies, fishing and some crazy pool parties at my neighbors.

Here comes the sun

My junior year of high school is over, and i am now considered a senior. WOAH. It honestly seems like yesterday i was walking into LCN with a nervous smile and big eyes not able to take in everything at once. Things were so much different than middle school. The hallways for one, were my least favorite part. At my previous middle school, we had pods. A pod was like a horseshoe per each grade. Each one a different color; red for 6th grde, green for 7th grade and blue for 8th grade. In each pod were all kids in your grades lockers, and all of your core classes. So you never had a huge rush because it was most likely your grade in the hallway and that's it. I remember the first day of freshman year, i walked into the building with Sarah standing by my side and we first noticed the noise. It was SO loud. We walked to each others lockers, and then went our separate ways to class. Like middle school, we thought we would be able to meet up in between each class. I had algebra, and she had English. Both on different floors, and we quickly realized that meeting between classes wasn't going to work unless we wanted to spend lunch together at the tardy table also!

As senior year approaches, i'm getting more and more ambitious to see how it goes. It's bittersweet, really. All these years of hard work, determination, a little bit of procrastination, and pain but in the end, i'll be walking the stage and receiving my diploma with some of the best people i know.

It crazy really, to realize that it's going to be here in a snap of a finger.

I've been rambling for what seems forever on the topic of my senior year. I just cannot believe that it's almost here. On one hand, i'm super excited because of all the fun everyone says senior year has to offer, but i'm also sad that graduation will be the last time that all of the kids i walk the stage with and i will ever be together in all reality.

The last day of school was the best. My two easiest exams; creative writing and Spanish. And then the last hoorah with my friends for a little while.

The day started off with probably the best gift i've ever received in my lifetime, because it was completely me. 100% me. And i'm SO excited to start getting my mustache obsession on at my grandparents (:

Then, a group of my friends and i ventured over to Menchies; which for some of you older people on here, is a fro-yo place on 26 mile and Van Dyke. It's one of the busiest places ever to be at. It was a lot of fun though (:  From there, we met up with the other half of the people and made our way to Stoney Creek. At first, we sat in the cars for a few minutes because it was raining a little, and after about 15 minutes the sun came back out(:  We were there until really late and it was just a really fun day (:

Summer doesn't feel like summer yet. It feel like memorial weekend or something, it's mostly the weathers fault.   Today's Monday and i'm already bored out of my mind and can't stand being sick.   We were all dumb enough to go swimming at Stoney when it was 55 degrees out, and now 3 of us have colds. It's one of those colds that just makes you feel icky, and your nose is always stuffy and it's hard to sleep. It has just now started going away, but fishing yesterday was a pain because every 2 minutes i felt like i needed to blow my nose.

Today, i'm getting ready to go into one of my last shifts at work, it's weird. Over time, i've mostly hated my job but it does have it's benefits. I have made a few good friends from there, a few. Most of the people there, i dislike very much because of the way they live their daily lives, and because of how much i know about their personal, personal lives.

I've been getting ready for my grandparents, between packing and picking dates to be back for orthodontist appointments (which after 5 years i'll be getting off this summer!!!!).

I've thought about all the free time that i'm going to have at my grandparents, which will be a lot and i've thought of somethings i want to do to keep myself somehow occupied. I'm going to be making sure to blog once a week. And my goal is to read at least ten books this summer, and then blog about them, which will  be easy for me (:

I think the part i'm looking forward to the most would be waking up and going fishing every morning that i want to. Because my grandparents live on a lake it will be literally walking out into the back yard. All i have to do is untie the boat and take it to the middle of the lake for hours, and just stay out there for as long as i want. I just bought recently a new fillet knife for fish, the one my dad used was getting pretty dull, so i can't wait to put it to use (:  Plus, one of my favorite parts is that i will be sosososoooooo tan this summer!:)

I'm looking forward to this summer, and hoping it will be as relaxing as i think it will be:)