If it's pulling you down, simply let it go (:

It's around 12:30 am, and i can't fall asleep lol, so I'm gonna blog, because i literally have nothing better to do! (:   (So excuse me if some parts don't make sense, lol.)

Today was my last day at my grandparents. It wasn't the trip that i was really looking forward too- but it turned out to be fun. My original plan a few weeks ago, was that my cousin was going to drive in from Maryland to my grandparents house and we would hang out for a week, go ice skating, sight seeing (since she hasn't been to MI in a longggg time), purchase my first purity ring, and of course shop! Than i was going to come home in time for my 16th birthday, and celebrate it with all of my friends, work on homework here and there and relax the last few days of break and enjoy spending time with my grandma. But.... it didn't turn out that way at all. My uncle whom resides in Maryland, fell and broke his hip and he's in his late 80's and is the father to my cousin who was supposed to be traveling up here- so i couldn't blame her in the least for wanting to stay and take care of her dad. Than..... while i prepared to go ice-skating on my grandparents lake- it turned out that the lake was the farthest thing from frozen, and the most sight seeing i did was of the country hills and bowling alleys. I did thought buy my first purity ring- and even though my grandma is still confused on what it is- it's really special to me. I'm coming home tomorrow with the only plans that are final are my plans for new years eve.

Since I've been here for  week, with nothing really to do, I've thought about 2011, and all the hardships it brought. I replayed the whole year pointing out some really fun times and times when i felt like my world was falling apart. But i learned something really valuable while thinking about my past..... why think about it when it only brings sadness?

When i think of 2011, i don't want to think about the pain it put me through and the choices i had to make. I want to think of the things that made me stronger, and made me laugh and love life.

I was baptized on January 16th 2011. By far- that was one of the best days of my life. I went to a life altering camp in the middle of June 2011, i became a Godmother this past summer, i became a stronger Christian in the last 6 months, i finally started figuring out who i was as a person- AND- i actually started understanding math!! (I used to HATE algebra, but i actually understand geometry!!)

Those are the things that i want to recognize when the subject of 2011 pops up. I know that some people will argue with me and say, "don't forget your past, its what made you."  and i agree. I'm not letting go of my past- just the parts that continue to bring me down.

As Rascal Flatts sing in there song, "I'm moving on", I've been burdened with pain, trapped in the past for too long, I'm moving on"  and that's what I'm doing :)

Below is a song that i absolutely LOVE. Rascal Flatts, I'm moving on.

So, as i try and go to bed, considering it is now 1:30 am, i want to wish everyone a very happy new years, and my new years resolution- is that i will make the absolute best out of 2012, and let go of 2011.

This is amazing.

I was on Godvine.com watching various videos, and i read the description on this one, not knowing what to expect. During the video, i thought i was going to start balling.  This is exactly what i wish i could do when i get older. I've always said i've wanted to be a vet, but the past year has challenged me to look at other various careers. To do something like this; and to bring joy to all people who are hurting young and old, would be my dream job.  I am in awe of animals like Baxter. He inspires me to go after my dreams<3  (And plus he's super cute!!)

30 Things to stop Doing to Yourself

I recieved this in an email and really thought about it the last few days. This is so cool to realize that most of these things are 100% true!

So, here's a list of 30 things, that you should really stop doing to yourself :)  And i'm gonna try em'!

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Credit from: http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/ 

This video is awesome :)

This video, is called, what if Mary & Joseph had a facebook?  It was really cool to see the connection from way back then to now, on something that seems second nature to teenagers (including me!)- facebook! Lol.

Merry CHRISTmas! (:

It seems like forever since the last time I've written on here, but i couldn't resist posting about CHRIST mas, aka Jesus birthday! :) Lol.

So, yesterday, my family kept the annual tradition alive by all gathering at my house to celebrate Christmas one day early. It was really nice to have all the family together, but at the same time, it still doesn't feel like Christmas to me. I remember watching the faces of all my little cousins and nephew as they opened everything, filled with excitement, joy and anxiousness. They were celebrating a holiday, that they recognize for a time where, Santa comes down the chimney to give them toys, where there is a lot of food, and they get to go home with their car packed. But what really makes me feel like it's not Christmas, is because they don''t know the true meaning of it.

They don't know that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins, that he rose again, and that still to this day, he is alive. They don't know the story of Jesus and how a young girl, who was engaged and a virgin, got pregnant by God. They don't know that hardships of Mary, Joseph and God.

Think about it, Mary was a teenager, who had never had sex, but what kind of feelings did Joseph have, when he found out Mary was pregnant, before the angel told him in his dream. How would you feel?  How would you feel, if this woman that you were getting married to, said she was pregnant, even though, you were both virgins? I know how i would feel, and it wouldn't be a good feeling. I would be angry, upset and think that they were lying.

I heard something at our Christmas service at church this week, my pastor said that people have purified the story of Christmas, so it wouldn't look as bad as it truly is, and thinking about that, he is totally right! Mary gave birth to Jesus in a stable. It was no place clean, someplace that didn't  smelled good, or even healthy. But that didn't stop the birth of Him. How amazing is that Jesus Christ, our savior, was born IN A STABLE, but yet, he did amazing things.

I've been really analyzing my thoughts on this story, and thinking about this makes me reflect on a movie. The movie is- To Save A Life. It is my ultimate, favorite movie. It explains the journey of two best friends. You see two boys raised together, one day while playing basketball a car swerved and was aiming for one of the boys and his friend jumped in front of him. He save his life while hurting himself, and he grew never to have the same life again. He had a limp, that made people make fun of him, and his "friend"- the one who's life he saved, doesn't talk to him anymore because he is too busy with sports and being the beer pong champion. It ends up, that the boy who risked his own life to save a friend, took his own life as well. This movie changed my life, because it didn't end there. The friend who watched as the boy who saved his life, shot himself in the head, learned to learn from his mistakes, and he made life changing decisions to help save lives. He began to love on all the "outsiders" at his high school, and ends up saving another persons life.

That boy, who looked at people a different way, who loves on people who aren't in his "clique", he is my mentor. I wish i could do the same. Because look at Jesus. Look at his birth environment, a DIRTY SMELLY STABLE FOR ANIMALS!! He was born in a horrible place, but people put that aside to love and praise him. why can't people do that now?  Why can't i walk through the hallways of my high school feeling like everyone gets along, that no matter what "clique" your in, you can still respect each other..... why not?

God is the only one with the answer to that. But i know that after watching that movie over a year ago, i have never been the same again.  Honestly, before watching the movie, i did not talk to anyone out of my comfort zone, i have a group of about 6 really good friends and that's how i liked it, and i never shared the word of God, but than i watched the movie, and that's when i changed everything in my life. I ignored the labels, the hair color, the piercings and instead i focused on showing them the love of Jesus Christ.

Today, i am packing my stuff and going to Jackson to go visit with my grandparents (my mom's side). I'm going to be spending about a week down there, but, I'm gonna be home for my birthday. It's gonna be a lot of fun,  I haven't been there in a while. They live on Lake Somerset, and i love walking across the lake, or going ice skating.  Since I'm going to be 16 in less than 2 weeks,  we are going out to buy my first purity ring :) Although I'm super excited, it definitely feels weird, not having my mom along with me, but where ever she is, what ever she is doing, i want her to know that i as well as Jesus Christ loves her, and i hope she is getting good use out of the Bible i sent her. AND..... i am looking forward to calling her tonight, to wish her a Merry Christmas :)

Happy Birthday Jesus, i know your over 2000 years old, but your still one of my best friends :)

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, and that they don't leave out the true meaning of Christmas.

A miracle that unraveled in Walmart :)

Wow. These past few days have gotten better from my last post. My grandma is still sick, but i haven't had to empty an buckets lately, and she is able to eat again. Last night, i finally got out of my house and went to my best friends birthday party, it was the most fun I've had in weeks. Being stuck at home during the school week, and then taking care of my grandma on the weekends,  i haven't been able to really hangout with my friends, but staying at John's house until 11:30 with all my friends, reminded me, that we all need breaks. And also, that i have some of the most amazing friends in the world. (:

Today, even though i was exhausted from being out all night, i got up around. 9:30 and left the house around 1030, and came home around 530. I honestly don't think i have been shopping this long, since summer. We went to partridge Creek (my fav. place ever!!) & Walmart I feel like I'm sharing my schedule, but i think it's because during those few hours, God surprised me, beyond all measures. You see, Christmas shopping is not my favorite thing to do, there's so many things to buy, and so many people who want to buy the same things as you. So i always wait until a few weeks before Christmas to get my shopping done.While in Walmart, my first priority was to get the supplies needed to send my "God" package to my mom. I had found a great NIV Bible, and i went to get some frames for the pictures my mom left behind. I then went to look for a card. It was really hard finding one for a mom, because they all say pretty much the same thing; I'm so blessed to have such an inspirational mom like you. I couldn't do it. I couldn't get a card, that wasn't true, because my mom isn't my inspiration. After reading a handful of cards, i gave up, i just started skimming them, it was tough looking at cards about moms, and i grew sort of sad, because it is the first Christmas i have spent with out her. But God, he knew what i wanted, He understood why i was thinking about her, and He surprised me, and made my day.

It wasn't much longer that i turned around expecting to go finish my shopping. When i turned around, i thought my heart skipped a beat. I was standing literally 20 feet away from my mother. I instantly felt like i was going to faint. I stood their for a few minutes, starring, wondering if she knew i was here. After about three minutes of being in shock, our eyes met. Her jaw dropped, and we instantly ran towards each other. I have never in my life, experienced something as amazing as those minutes, of going from sad, and thinking about the past, to being filled with happiness. I haven't hugged my mom in years, because whenever we saw each other, we wouldn't get along so hugging her was sorta awkward. We stood in the middle of the isle, hugging for what seemed forever. I didn't realize i was crying until i heard her crying too. To hear her voice on the phone, and to hear her voice in person; saying she missed me,  is so much different. I couldn't talk to her for long, but what i did talk to her, it was awesome. Last week, i did a blog on disappointment's and how God's always trying to mess up our plans to get our attention or to just tell us He has something better in mind.  Well, what happened today, is living breathing proof.  (:

So here it is again; God knows that sometimes we get distracted by our wants, and not paying enough to what He wants, so he messes up our plans!  But in most cases, he has something better in store.

I am so happy about today, it was AMAZING. Whenever I am in doubt about my faith, I want to remember today, and everything that happened. God has our backs no-matter-what :). So I'm about to finish this amazing day by watching a Christmas movie with my God-daughter, and cousin, and putting them to bed. I can't wait until i go to bed, because i have a lot to pray about tonight (;

A request of prayers ):

Today, the one solid person in my life, celebrated her 83rd birthday. The women who i am so blessed to call, grandma. I still can't believe that she has reached this age, throughout all the crap she has been put through. I love her soo much, and to watch bad things happen to her, breaks my heart.  Today, she when she woke up, she was feeling good, other than the fact the i accidentally spilled coffee on her. Later on when i came home she was doing good too, and then came her birthday dinner. She was feeling great! I was so happy to see that she had restored her hunger, because lately, she had not been eating well and it was starting to worry me. After dinner, she began to complain about how she hurt, but she decided to stay in the kitchen until my dad and nephew came over to join us for cake and ice cream. I knew she was hurting, so i gave her a pillow to lean against, but it turned out that her back was the least of my problems. After she ate, i got her to her room, layed her down and covered her up, thinking she would go to sleep for a little while. But i was 100% completely wrong. Due to the amount she had eaten that night, plus her medicine and wine that my aunt gave her for her back, her stomach decided to act up. I know some people may have weak stomachs so I'll say this softly, i had to empty A LOT of buckets today. To watch my grandma put her face in a bucket and to come back up with tears in her eye's and wanting to cry, makes my heart break. I hate to see people i care about it pain.  Please, anyone, WHOEVER is reading this, please pray for my grandma to get better. I have no idea what is initially wrong with her, but i am praying that it is only from the rich foods she ate. So please, if you are reading this, PLEASE, pray for her, because i feel hopeless, not being able to do anything, I know that if even a simple prayer is the only thing i can do, i will do it, and I'm hoping everyone else will to.

So here is my prayer for tonight, and yes i am literally praying will bogging (:  (I'm a good multi-tasker! ) Lol.
"Hey God,
Thank you for today, (well most of it)  I truly realized how blessed i am to have my grandma. She is simply amazing. Please, cure her of her sickness of her already frail body. Seeing her so weak makes me just want to cry- because she means so much to me. Please, be with her, because i need my grams, she's my everything<3  Be with Noah, as he is faced with daily struggles of a child with ADHD, be with Blake as he searches for the answers in his life. Lord, I'm asking you to pray for Sarah, because she needs your guidance when it comes to tests and studying, allow her to keep her focus and pay attention so she can get a good grade.  Be with my mom, because no matter what i tell myself, she is out there, she is still a being on this Earth, allow her to know you, to feel you, to love you. Be with Mrs. Robinson, as Friday, she travels home from Texas, allow her flight to go smoothly. I just ask, that who ever needs healing, help and prayers, will find me, so i can help them. Be with the people who I am forgetting to pray for, be with the family's of the twins boy who was killed by his mother. And most of all, be with my grams. She is the definition of a faithful person. Her daily acts reflect the arms and feet of you God. She has done so much good, and it is time, time for her to be pain free and enjoying some of the last great years and months she has left. Also, please help me not be dead tomorrow, being that it is 12:40 am, and i am just now attempting to go to bed, getting up in 3 hours to check on my grandma again. Thank you Jesus <3
Amen."

I miss this :P

Disappointments in life ):

If we really dig deep into why things don't happen the way we want them to, our answer includes God, more than we know it. Why does God make things difficult when they could be so easy? Why does God make things the way WE don't want them?  Does anyone ever truly think about that? Sometimes when we pray really really hard for something to happen, and it doesn't, we get upset. But why?  To me, when i have a disappointment in my life, it's just God letting me know i have something better in store (:    So, yeah i get things didn't always happen the way we want, but maybe we are so consumed with the thoughts of what we want, that God is trying to get out attention. For example, today i was expecting a great surprise. I had been praying about it for months, and i really  thought today was the day- but it wasn't. When i first realized that i "wasted" all my time praying for it, i felt horrible. I know that there was nothing i could do, so i went in the chapel awaiting Pastor Goche's message. It was like God had shut one door, for me to hear the sermon of the day, and realize why. He explained how sometimes we have so much going on that we can over think and hope for things which make us distance ourselves from God. Today, i woke up at 745 for church, i was the greeter today, so i opened the doors awaiting my prays to evolve, and as time went on and on and the service had started i realized my prayers weren't going to be answered today. I'm not upset, I'm not sad, I'm not even close to angry, I'm neutral. I'm disappointed, but i understand, I'm confused but i know the answer. Mostly I'm thinking about the next step in my life that God has in store for me. I may never get this prayer answered, but that's okay, because that's just God letting me know, it will never be :)

I wrote this a few weeks ago.

At once, you were gone.

Finally coming to peace

Before, the anger never seemed to cease

Years of pain and struggle,

Only to find you gone

Taken away at first,

Numb to the root of my bone.

Afraid alone and silent

Because you had just gone

No goodbye or see you later,

No Im sorry or even I love you

Silence; quite enough to hear my own silent sobs

You told, me you'd always be there

To wipe away my tears,

To love me,

To laugh with me,

To just be there

Why did you decide to leave that all behind

When you left, you not only left dad...

You left me

You left the one person you've hurt all of her life

You left a child, hopelessly facing the world

Feeling alone, and not loved

You left the one person,

Who only wanted the best for you

The one person, who would forgive you for anything

At once, you were gone....

I've accepted and moved on

I'm not "that" girl that you left

Because the girl you left,

The one crying all the time,

Has replaced those tears with laughs

The one who was afraid of trust,

Is learning slowly to trust again

The one you called daughter,

Is learning to be called, God-Mother instead

Because she knows, that title will never leave her

The one who felt alone

Woke up to reality

And now knows she is the farthest thing from alone

At once, you were gone, and everything seemed chaotic,

At once you were gone and now it’s four months later,

And everything…… is just perfect.

R.I.P Dayne Liberty.

Today, when in S.T.A.T.I.C, I asked the kids if they had any prayer requests. Some of the usual; pray for me, I'm sick, or pray that i did good on the test i took today, and even about Mr. Kevin's daughter finally having her baby! I myself had a prayer request. I asked the people to pray for Dayne Liberty's family. He was a student in my grade who went to my school, who died a year ago this  Friday of cancer.

Upon thinking of the memories of when i heard he had passed, i began thinking about how i met him. It was a usual day at lunch, it was my best friends; Sarah, Felicia, Haley and John sitting at our lunch table, when i looked up, i saw this kid who i never seen before sitting alone. I pointed him out to Sarah and we both decided to leave him alone, he sat there for a few more days alone, just eating his lunch when one day i grabbed Sarah and took her over to him. He looked a little weirded out at first, not really knowing what to think- two random girls just walked up to him. I sat down across from him and introduced myself as well as Sarah. I knew she was un-comfortable, but i wanted her to be there, and i am still glad that she was.  I invited him over to our table and at first he said no so i said okay and went back to our table. The next day, Sarah and i went back to him and asked him again if he wanted to sit by us, this time he said sure.  For the rest of the months leading up to his death, that's where he sat.

He was in my 4th hour history class, he always was the one paying attention when he was supposed to, and the person who at other times made you laugh until your stomach hurt. Dayne was super smart, when Mrs. Korolowicz would ask a question, his hand was always one of the first to shoot up. I knew him for about three months, and then we went on Thanksgiving Break.

When i returned to school, i was happy to see all my friends again, and was excited to tell people about my trip to Wisconsin. You know those times when you can recall, everything that happened at those weird moments, like your living it all over again? Well every time i start to think about this; the moment i found out he died, replays in my head. I had walked into Ms. Henckels class for first hour. I went to go sit at my spot next to Allura, and we were talking about or break, and what we did. She noticed that something was wrong with Ms. Henckel, but we blew it off, just assuming that she was tired. Then came the announcements for the day, i still remember Mr. Jackson's voice saying that he hoped we had a good Thanksgiving, he went on with the usual announcements and a few minutes later he announced it. He told us that over the  break, a freshman named Dayne Liberty had passed away of cancer.  He asked us for  a moment of silence, which everyone including the loud mouths in my class did.

I remember the spinning emotions in my head, trying not to cry, not knowing what to think. The rest of the day until 4th hour was  a blur. When i walked into my 4th hour, Sarah and i started talking and immediately Dayne was our topic. We couldn't believe that someone who seemed so happy and so normal, was really hiding who he was. A few minutes into the class, Dayne's counselor walked in the room and started talking about him. Sarah and i were the only two who really knew him, and we broke down. I've never cried in school before, and neither has Sarah. The next few days were all gloomy between Sarah and i. We were both still very upset and didn't know who to talk to. I don't know how we came across this, but one day she came to my house and we decided to write his parents a letter, explaining to them how sorry we were for them and how Dayne changed our perspective in life.

Although, i did not know him super well, i knew him enough to know that he was brave, that he he was smart, and really funny. I didn't know him well enough to know that he battled cancer, like he had all of his life.  I'm glad. I knew the Dayne Liberty that he wanted people to know. He had not mentioned once to anyone about his journey with cancer, which to me is remarkable. I can't believe it has been a year this Friday already, it's gone by so quickly.

Although i only knew Dayne for a few months, i learned a big life lesson from him; every second that you get to spend on this Earth, make the best out of it. Don't let  a day go bye where you regret anything, act like if today is your last day on earth, and cherish those moments.

I pray that Dayne's family is doing okay these day's and they are going to to Lord with their sorrows, i know that losing someone isn't easy, but i also know that if you have God in your life, things will always get better.

R.I.P Dayne Liberty 11.25.2010 <3

Best piece of advice I've had in a while

When Life gives you issues, P.U.S.H it away.......


P-ray
U-ntil
S-omething
H-appens


And let God do the work (:


This seriously made my day :)

Love the lyrics

I believe, the over-all message in this song, is really good!

My youngest nephew; Noah.

Noah, 2 years old.

Last year Thanksgiving.

This summer, at the New Baltimore Beach with Sarah and Noah.

A few weeks ago at Rylee's birthday party

4 moths, with no tears.

It's been four months since the last time i talked to my mom, 6 months since i had a normal conversation with her. These months have flown by, and i am actually doing great compared to how i thought i would be handling it. There's not much of a purpose to this blog, just a short thank you, for all the prayers i have been receiving, i definitively feel God's presence in my life. The months ahead, are going to come and go bye and i'm still going to be great, i have support from so many people and i have God, what else does a teenage girl need? (: <3

Life, through my nephews eye's

Today after school, instead of following the mad rush of teenagers going to see Breaking Dawn, i went to spend the day at my dad's.  Although it started off really annoying because no-one was home..... and i didn't have my key, so i had to crawl through a window. (and if any of you really know me, you'll know that i am not the tallest person in the world, so yeahhh...it was challenging.) hahah, but i made it in, and then when i heard car doors shut i jumped behind the couch and when my nephew walked in i jumped out to scare him. I miss him so much, and every time i get to see him i feel blessed to have him.  My favorite reaction is when he yells, "aunt Beth!!"  It makes me feel so important in his life.

When i look at him, i see white, crystal like, because he is too young to understand the world. Too young, to feel the pain that the world inflicts on us, to young to hear the harsh words spoken daily. He is innocent, and that's what i admire of him. He doesn't see the world as a scary place, because all he knows is, just kid stuff. I wish i could view life like he does. I wish  could wake up in the morning not to think about the struggles i have in life, but to look forward to those mornings cartoons. 

I love my nephew so much, he's the cutest kid alive. He was born pre-mature when my sister was 16. He was born with gastrocesis, which is when all of his intestines were on the outside of his stomach, he was recently diagnosed with ADHD, but that's not stopping him, from being the amazing kid he is. He's going to have struggles, but we all do! He's going to make mistakes, but hopefully, he will learn from them. I know that he knows i love him, and i know that he loves me

Sometimes i think about the impact i am making in his life, am i doing enough? Am i putting forth all of my effort to make sure, that he is having the best  life possible? Am i doing enough to make sure that he knows Christ's love? Am i doing enough to be the best aunt i can? I'm not sure, but I'm trying as hard as i can, and that's all that matters. At the age of two, i had him saying prayers with me on the phone when i would call him to tell him goodnight, when i would babysit him and put him to bed, i would tell him the story of Noah's Ark, (since his name is Noah). The little things i do on a daily bases, in front of him hopefully will impact him enough so he will understand that in order to live life, it should be with Christ. 

Every night, he is included in my prayers. He means the world to me, when i see him and he comes running and throws his arms around my neck and says "I missed you aunt Beth", i feel like i am wanted in this world.  When i see him laugh at silly things, or when he says the weirdest things that crack me up, i just stand in awe, at the precious gift God has given me. At four years old, he has stolen something from me, he has stolen my heart. He has taken my heart and with every four year old giggle, smile or tear, he has used it, and made me love him more and more. 

Noah Aaron Michael Brendle, born on November 21st, 2007, at 4:21 pm. He weighed  5.4 lbs.  and was 19 ¼ inches long. Now weighing 36lbs, and growing taller each day, he still fills me heart with joy. I'll always love my nephew, and i will always want the best for him.

I just had to put this on here :P

I saw this on Tumblr, and couldn't help but think how perfect this truly is. <3

A Well Needed Break.

So, lately i have tried to write a blog at least every 3 days.... but this week i am on test overload. I have a chemistry test, math quiz and journalism test tomorrow, AP Gov test Thursday, and English and Spanish test on Friday, as well as a photo project due Friday.  I need to study my brains out, because i am overwhelmed with getting good grades on all of them. In order to stay un-grounded and be able to go to static and church, i need to keep my grade's up.  I hate that feeling when you see you'r GPA dropping by decimals slowly. I have almost always had a 3.6, now i have a 3.542.  So i most likely won't be on here until Friday after school- NO WAIT!! BREAKING DAWN COMES OUT ON FRIDAY! <3   So.... yeah, no posts until Saturday lol.  So pray that i get through these tests,  with at least B's please, and that i attempt to get to bed by 11:30. (:

Precious Time, that's flew by.

This weekend upon reading the book of Ecclesiastes, i came upon a verse that made me stop, and really think about what i was reading. The verse is; Ecclesiastes-3:1-8 (NIV);
         


 ¹ There is a time for everything, 
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

To me, this Bible verse represents time.  It represents the time we have for things. Analyzing deeper into this passage i thought about how fast time has gone bye. How my nephew, is going to be 4- on November 21st, how the youngest sister i have just turned 21 about two weeks ago, how i myself am going to be 16, in less than two months. Time has flown by so fast, and a lot of it- i have taken for granted. I am blessed to have time on Earth, some children are brought into this world only to be brought right back out, for example my niece; Heaven lee. Her presence on Earth, blessed my family for a very short time of 7 hours, until God decided that he wanted her. Loosing a child, that young is so hard, especially on my sister Erika, she still suffers from the loss these days.

I am blessed to have a roof over my head, and food to eat. My church does annual trips to El Salvador, one that i wish to participate in very soon. My friend Erin has gone there about 3 times, and every time she comes back, you can see the change inside of her. Talking to some people who have gone, tell me that the hardest parts, are when they see what these people have, huts for home, maybe if lucky one meal a day which consists of a stale tortilla and some beans. They tell me that even though they have nothing compared to us- their faith means so much more to them.  They worship God like they haven't seen before, they devote their lives to him, and  even though they have barely anything, they rejoice in their faith.

My life, all 15 years  of it, are a blessing.  During those 5,789 days, i have done so many things.  I have been an aunt since the day i was born, i have been to Florida, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Washington D.C, Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Maui, Tennessee, Georgia, North Carolina,  and other states. I have learned how to play the guitar, i have been on various soccer, hockey and basketball teams, i have became a Christian, i have become a God-mother, i have had the privilege to be one of the student leaders of S.T.A.T.I.C, i have been blessed to hold higher morals than my sisters, i have been blessed to know how to make my own decisions. I have been blessed with so many things, and i haven't really thanked God for them. 

I am so excited to be 16.... i think. For the first time EVER, my birthday finally falls on Christmas Break, I'm sooo happy about that!  So for the first time on January 4th, i am going to sleep in! :)  To me, when you become 16, things become rougher, because around that age, my sisters got tempted with drugs, sex and alcohol. I know that God's plans in my life, keeps those things out of my thoughts. In a way, turning 16, is kinda scary too, that means 2 more years until i am considered, an "adult", 2 more years, until I'm headed off to college, 2 more years of having a curfew...... (yes!) hahahha, just kidding,  although i can't wait to be sixteen, i am thinking about the various new responsibilities i have, and how i am going to deal with them. I hope God grants me the wisdom to deal with things, when i don't know what to do.

So as these precious minutes go bye, i a thanking God, for  every second of it. Never letting a second go by un-thankful, for what i have. I'm so glad i found this verse in time for Thanksgiving, because it shows me how much i am truly thankful for everything!

                      

Veterans Day.

Today, is Veterans Day, not just 11-11-11.  This is one of my favorite holidays because the military is so strongly important in my family.  It all started with my pa-pa, i used to call him grandpa Jack, even  though his name was John. my papa was in the Navy, he sailed on the U.S.S Enterprise during WWII..  When i was around 8, my papa got diagnosed with lung cancer. It was one of the hardest things I've gone through, because i remember the last week he was with us. Everyone knew that the end was near so we spent as much time with him as we could. Within a few weeks of being diagnosed, the cancer traveled up his spine to his brain and it killed him.  The last time i ever saw him, he was painting a picture, while watching the baseball game that was one.  I still remember the smell of coffee and tobacco on his breath, and the various wrinkles that defined all of his life. He was a courageous person, kind and very smart. I know that he left us, but i can't help but think about hi much i miss him.  Than my dad, he was drafted into the was at 18 years old, and stayed in for quite some time. During his time in Germany during the Vietnam era, one of his closest friends was shot right in front of him. My dad, has had flashbacks of that memory as he still does today making talking about his time in the army very difficult. Many people don't know this- but my dad's legs don't really work so he is in a wheelchair. Part of this is due to the war, because of his nerves and the loud noises. Those are two important people in my life, who have given up so much! I currently have some family and friends who are serving and i include them in my prayers every night.  Today, was a great day, first i got to school and sold bracelets for the stars and stripes club and made over half our goal, we are going to continue selling them on Monday too, so I'm super pumped. After school around 3:20, i  decided i wanted to spend the day with my dad, so i baked him a cake, and made it sorta look like the American Flag. It turned out that my sis and nephew were there too! It was  a really good day, and right now i am fighting to keep my eyes open, i am definitely not going to make it to 11:11.  I just want to once again thank people like my dad and my papa, for serving, they are truly heroes. Even though my grandpa is no longer here, i know he is keeping  a close eye on me, from God's window.

Love this! (:

This is a new band i heard over the weekend! :D

This band, is AMAZING!  They are originally a Christian Rock band from Port Huron Michigan.  They really know how to pump up a crowd of teenagers! (:

This song made my day really good (:

Overtime; Teen Leadership Summit.

If i could say three things about yesterday; i would say- Amazing, Life Altering and WOW.  Yesterday four fellow members of STATIC (students taking action together in Christ) and i packed tightly in a car and left Chesterfield around 7 am, to make our journey to Port Huron.

While there, we attended three seminars of our choosing.  The three i chose were: Missing one mom/ missing one dad,  your story with a purpose and speak out for God in school.  The missing a mom one, was amazing.  It really showed me that I am NOT alone, and that we all face challenges that we can't deal with alone. This conference was the BEST one i have gone to in my life. It allowed me to open my heart up and talk to some very close people about my God story. I've never really thought about my, "God Story", but in one of my classes, Dirk Case gave us an outline. One to fill out on our own time so we would truly know our God Story.  I am in the process of writing mine, and i most definitely will post it on here when it is finished. My other Class i took was about God in School.  It was taught by Tim Keller, who is a teacher in Port Huron. This class was also fun because it taught me, my rights of a student, in a public school.

 From this Summit, i gained so much more faith, so much more understanding of God and the Bible.  The most important thing i learned yesterday was the 15, 10, 5, and 1 method. This method from Kent Fishel, states that i will spend a minimum of 15 minutes per day soaking up God's word, A minimum of 10 minutes a day praying, a minimum of 5 minutes a day, dissecting God's word, and learning what it means and how it implies in our life, and a minimum of 1 kind this to do for someone.

No matter where we are in life, God is always going to be there. No matter how hard life gets, God will always have a reason why, no mater what people say about you, none of it matters; because only HE is going to chose your eternal fate.

I want to expand on the most important lesson i learned yesterday; YOU'RE NEVER ALONE! (:   I am not alone, nor have i or will i ever be. I have so many amazing people in my life, that i wouldn't normally think about.  I have my grandma- who loves me and has replaced my mom, who has taught me the true meaning of faith ,I have twin cousins; Nicole and Cheri, who are always there for me, sometimes nicer than the other, but both out of love. I have a cousin from Maryland who i visit once or twice a year, who is one of my best friends; who loves nature as much as i do, I have another cousin from Arizona- who dwells in my the love of Christ, only at the age of 19, she holds the morals i want to have as an adult. I have my pastor- who is there to answer questions, and to pray for me when i need it most. I have the Robinson's- the three people who have made the biggest impact in my life, allowing me to do things that normal teenagers could not do, for always being there for a shoulder to cry on, to support me in every decision i make. I have friends who make me laugh, and make me feel better when I'm having a bad day. Another person i have, is one of the most extraordinary people i know, she will most likely be reading this since she reads most of my blogs, she is always there whether it is 6:30 am or 2:30 pm, i don't think she realizes the impact she's made in my life just by being there, and allowing her words to help inspire me keep my head up. So if you're reading this; Thank you, because i may not be able to speak my gratitude; but i can surely type it- as well as say it in Spanish: (Muchas Gracias Senora! ).

So tonight, i am not only going to bed happy, because i get an extra hour of sleep, but feeling blessed due to all of the amazing people i have in my life. I'm not only going to go in bed praying for myself and my family; i am going to bed praying for ALL the people that are there for me. Thank you to everyone, i love my life, and i wouldn't change it- because it is defining me as the faithful person i crave to be.

The time- is NOW.

I've had so many words running through my head the last couple days. I've been consumed with things with my family, static, my mom and mostly that Rutherford discovered the nucleus- for chemistry. I haven't had time to just really relax and analyze my thoughts. So I'm taking the next twenty minutes to just type.

Every week God has seemed to change me more and more. Last week at church- one of our lead pastors from South Campus was visiting; his messaged made me think long and hard about some things i have prayed for.

For example;
Every night for the last few months i have been praying for somethings that seem impossible. Among these are;
1. My mother to accept Christ. 2. My niece to make the right choices, 3. My grandma to be pain free 4. for my dad to be able to walk again 5. For me to try my hardest in everything i do and 6. For my mom to be free of depression.

I've heard it a thousand times; "That's impossible!"  BUT IT'S NOT! (:   In the book of Joshua, he asked God to stop the sun, and God did!  God is willing to do the impossible..... but there is a catch.

I've never thought about that-  a catch to God doing the impossible for you, but i understand now. You can't just pray for something and expect it to change magically.  An example my pastor used last Sunday was an addict.  He stated that whether or not we pray for the impossible doesn't mean it's going to come through.  YOU have to want it, and be willing to change for it too!  He used the example of an addict by saying that if a drug attic prays for God to cure him from his addiction and the same day he goes and buys a bag of drugs..... didn't you just waste your time?

You have to be willing to change if you want change in your life. I thought of that, and thought of my list of prayers; one caught my eye. It was that i wanted my mom to accept Christ.  I know i can't control what she does no matter how much i pray.... but whats stopping me from encouraging it out loud and helping her?

I'm not talking about actually physically meeting up with my mom- I'm talking about other things; that wouldn't involve us being together; at least not yet.  My mind is scattered with ideas. I think my number one choice as of right now would be a care package.  When i was at girl scout camp about 6 years ago, i know that i was really lonely without my parents around and they sent me a care package to make me feel better- and it did.  So in the next few weeks i am going to be gathering items to put into the box.  Some ideas i have are; of course a Bible (NIV of course!), a journal, pictures of my and her, my nieces and nephews and some family, a few books that helped me find God and a letter.

 I'm truly worried about the different outcomes of this.  I'm scared that i am wasting my time, but i am praying every night that as the time goes on,this plan will evolve more and help me help her.  The letter isn't going to be some emotional letter; it's going to be short and sweet and down to the point.

My number one goal right now; is just simply this:  Do everything humanly possible to shown my mom God's love.

I know that if i help out, and try to introduce her to him, God will handle the rest.
I'm hoping that this will work.  I can't wait to see my moms life changing by Christ. It's going to be amazing.

For now, I'm just going to pray until i know it's the right time.

Today, I'm going to Port Huron for a Youth Conference for Christ following teens.  We got to pick three seminars we wanted to attend and my first choice was one that said:  Missing one mom or dad. Can't wait to see what this class is all about- i hope it teaches me how to deal with the pain of my mom leaving better, because i need that... a lot...

Home IS where the heart is!

I found myself locked, in a cage not allowing myself to walk around or have any room to think. I only wanted one thing- anger.  I was gasping for hatred like a man gasps for air instead of gasping for God..Confused on where my home was, or if i even had one- but i do. My address is 54205 Washington Chesterfield Michigan 48047,  my home is not an ordinary home, I'm not there most of the time, in fact I'm only there once or twice a week, on certain days of the weeks my hallways are filled with the kind of people i long to be- believers.Some people  call it Chesterfield Woods Church of the Nazarene- but, i call it home.  I call it home because, that's the place i can be the real me, not afraid of what people think because it's not up to them- it's only up to Him. It's my home because that's the place i long for when i have struggles in my life, that i cannot control.

Church this week was nothing but amazing, i felt like Pastor Goche and Pastor Lerrin were speaking directly to me, about fighting for your faith, and even though we have daily struggles, God is not intimidated by us.  Out of every sermon each of them have given. yesterday touched me the most.  I know deep down that everything is going to be okay, it's a long battle. I'm going to find myself having days  that are great, and having days that i just want to give up- but with God on my side along with everyone else  i know i can persevere and finish the race.

When life throws it's doubts, and nothing feels right- all i have to do is just stop what I'm doing fall to my knee's and pray.  People assume that being a Christ follower not matter what religion you are is easier- well i can certainly advocate that that's sooo not true.  When someone commits their life to Jesus, they promise that they will obey Him- that they will not let temptation get the best of them. When you are a Christ follower- you have to stick up for YOUR God, even when times are rough. You have to know and believe that He will take care of everything. You never know the outcome of everything, so it's up to you to pray until you can't pray anymore.  Being a Christ follower is so much more difficult than being a non believer, because everything that you do, he can see and it either impresses or dis impresses him. Even though being a Christ follower is harder, i would have it no other way.

If there's one thing I've learned the last 48 hours, it's;  Anyone can give up, It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone is waiting for you to fall apart? That's true strength.  I have yet conquered the daily struggle of staying afloat in this deep ocean we call life, but everyday i am learning new strategies to keep my head out of the water.

We all sin, all of us everyday. But if God can forgive us of our daily sins, why can't we forgive those who sin against us?

Something has been laying on my heart these last few weeks and that is whether or not i am going to continue the same cycle of life i have the last few years. I'm not sure, making some big decisions and I'm scared of the possible outcomes. I've been weighing the pros's and con's in my head, and i think I've made up my mind. I'm praying that God will guide me through this decision and let me know whether or not I'm making the right choice.

Home is where the heart is..... where's that?

I can't stand the last few days. All they are is crap and they remind me how annoying life is sometimes. I hate not knowing where my home is, its stupid. I wish i could move out into an apartment, but of course i can't.... because I'm only 15.    Why is it that when someone asks me for my address i don't know what to put down?   Should i put where i'm living, where i'm supposed to living or where i want to live? I don't know and it annoys the heck out of me. Tired, confused and lost are the only feelings i have, a fake smile has been plastered on my face while the pain increases inside. I'm lost, and i have to map- don't know what to do, don't know what to say, i'm in a room- simply white..... noise is loud but all of a sudden..................... it all goes silent. The whole world just shuts up for once.  And that's when i find comfort, when the world is quiet, and no one nags on me. But, there's NO such thing.  My thoughts aren't the same the last 48 hours, somethings snapped deep inside. I don't know what it is or where it's coming from but it's scaring me. I don't feel the same, i feel angry, annoyed and hate with this world. I feel lost in my faith, not knowing what to pray for, so just not praying. I feel like everyone is on vacation but there voices still flood my head with negative words, saying I'll be just like them, I'll never go anywhere. I'm so tired of people who complain about my performance when there's isn't even any good. Everyone fails something, once in there life. I'm sorry if i failed a test, it was my first and my last. I feel crummy when i saw it and you only made it worse. You don't know the pressure i am under.  You always say i understand.... BUT YOU DON'T!   You have not been through the crap that has happened, you don't understand what is going on inside of me. You don't understand the pain i go through daily to keep a smile on my face. NO-ONE gets it.   What's the sense of anything anymore?   Who knows what we are meant for?  I always thought life was a blessing, that sometimes we went through a lot of crap but it would get better. As this moment right now, i don't think that. Life sucks, and it's taken me almost 16 years to know that. As i go to bed tonight, i can't pray.  The first time I haven't prayed before going to sleep in years.  Prayer isn't working for my life i truly don't know if it ever has. I'm just scared, but i dont want people to know. I'm in pain, but i don't want people to feel it to so i don't talk about it. I'm in rejection to my life, my family and my religion.... but if i let anyone know that i would be looked at differently. Why do people say that home is where the heart is?  If my home was were the heart was,  I wouldn't be here right now. I would be in Tennessee, living at an old home with a wrap around porch and white picket fence. Laying out in my barn with all of my horses, chickens and goats.  I would be walking the rolling hills that are right out my backdoor. In the country, where you can actually see the stars, without ANYONE. Just me and my animals. I'm not there. I'm someplace  100% opposite of that.  I'm gone, I'm lost, and i'm not coming back. I'm done with lying to myself about my life- that everything is going to get better. It's NOT. So i might as well start getting used to it anyways.  So i'm never going to listen or repeat the saying, "Home is where your heart is"  because that is not true.  My home, is right here...... oh wait?? Where's that. Oh yeah, forgot again. I don't even have one.