Why does this have to happen?

I never really thought about how i am really feeling about the scenario with my mom and i getting along for once and her leaving now ruining my family but, to be honest- it hurts more than anything she's ever done before.  It hurts more than the bruises and cuts she left on my body, it hurts more than when she told me she hated me and wished she never gave birth to me... it hurt really bad. I don't think i can pray enough prayers for God to cover this one up with a band aid. It's a permanent scar. What even hurts worse is when she shows up a  few weeks after she leaves and doesn't say anything to me, doesn't even look at me. She never even said goodbye... so why would she not LOOK at me, so i could try to find some expression on her face saying she's sorry or saying why she left without saying goodbye.  It hurts to know that she will file divorce papers saying my dad has full custody of me, that she doesn't even want to attempt to have custody of me.  I do want to live with my dad and i would never live with her- but that's not the point... why couldn't she have tried to at least show me she loved me still by attempting joint custody. I don't know, maybe i don't have a right to be angry, but its so hard knowing that when things finally get going in the right direction that they can be ruined in seconds.  If my mom ever reads this blog, i want her to know how i really felt when she did this, so I've been writing her a letter and here it is:

Dear mom,
Why?  Why are you doing this. Do you understand I AM 15. I am barely a young adult in this world. I have gone through enough crap due to you. I have been told that you hated me and wished i was never alive- at a young age. I have been discarded my whole life. You have always chose someone or something over me and that's not fair. Do you know how much willpower it took me to finally admit that i don't hate you i just hate what you did to me? It took me so many prayers and tears to make myself admit that.... but now I'm wondering if it was a big waste of time. I have never felt like we cared about each other, until the last few weeks of freshman year, when we hung out and went places. I told you about school and my friends and oddly those days you had enough patience to listen and i enjoyed that time with you. You left when things were finally starting to go good and it hurts. You have hurt me once again; leaving a wound deeper than any other and i don't think i will EVER be able to forgive you. I understand that you and dad didn't love each other- I've known that since the day you got married which was only 5 years ago but why the heck would you do all of this to me this fast. You don't know whats coming at you- because there's this thing called KARMA- and if you don't know what that means it means what comes around goes around. So be prepared to loose at the guardianship trial, to not get control over everything in the house at the divorce trial and never EVER having a relationship with me or my family. Whether you come back with thousands of dollars looking for a family or coming back homeless, and afraid. We will shut the door in your face as bad as you have to us.  I don't know what else to say, you have awoken an angry person in me once again- but surprisingly I'm not that angry because i know God has everything under control. He always has and all i have to think is no matter what, he will take care of it. I may not have two adults feeding my head with bull crap and telling me what to do ( *cough sue and Keith cough* ) but i have so many more things: I have twin cousins that will support me in every decision that i make. That will love me unconditionally no matter what life throws at me. I have an amazing 82 year old grandma that knows everything about me who i talk to and learn lessons from her story's of her old age. I have a strong aunt- who will put up with my bull crap when I'm mad when no one else will, who will let me live with her when YOU throw me out. I have a cousin who is only 19 and lives hours away in Arizona who i can talk to about anything and i know she will always be there. I have another cousin who is Maryland who tells me the funniest stories about her life and who makes me smile when things get rough, i have amazing grandparents who have bought cars and homes so i could have a safe life. I have the most amazing role models in my life;  i have the Robinson's what can get better than that? They are the family i desire to be. They are the people that lead me towards who i am right now. I have Hannah- the best friend anyone i could ask for who knows well of the situation I'm in right now and is praying for a recovery and for satin to leave your soul.I have sisters, father, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends who i know love me and will support me. Most of all- The thing i have that you don't, someone that is higher in every power. Who knows me more than i know myself. I HAVE GOD.  I know and believe that everything will be okay,because God is in my life. You have dirt compared to what i have and i am so proud of myself for coming around and realizing i didn't need you to complete my life. So  Goodbye the tears you left in my eyes, goodbye to the hurt you made me feel when you left without saying why. Goodbye to the anger and rage i had for you, Goodbye mom. Hello a fresh start that God will keep under control.