6 months.

It's crazy how many memories one little place can hold.  This, was my dad's favorite place;

To you, it may look like a dirty, old boring place to be.... but your most definitely wrong. He pratcialy lived here in the summer.  See the right hand corner of the dock, where the two fences meet- the baby blue umbrella i bought him for his birthday a few years prior was always standing up tall with the help of a bungee cord.  Straight ahead, where the two gates connect- is where he always placed his little red wagon, and next to that was his green cooler which would always have the best snacks on a hot summer day. My dad, was always sad.  I can't blame him- he lived in a wheelchair and needed assistance in everything he wanted to do. But one place i know he felt himself at, was this fishing pier. Seeing him smile and act happy, was worth touching all the icky worms.  It's located in the Walter and Mary Burke Park located in downtown New Baltimore. And it's a place that will never be the same for me to be at.

This past Friday, my church; joined with the New Baltimore park and rec for a fall festival where we provided 40 trunks where kids could go trunk-er-treating, 4 huge bounce houses and many other small details that made it such a success.  The feeling i had pulling up to the park was like the first time you get a bad grade on a test.  The feelings were causing me to be really sad.  It didn't help when i heard my name being called about 15 feet away by my dads best friend.   I haven't seen him since the funeral.   Which was 6 months ago.   I wanted to run away after to talking to him, because it just made me miss my dad A LOT.   So, i decided to take a walk down the pier.  I just stood there and imagined him sitting there whistling and then hearing the bell on the fishing line ringing, causing him to grab the pole, whip it up in the air yelling, "gotcha sucker".  It made me laugh, because i miss how excited he used to get.  I took the urn of ashes i have in my room and i slowly unscrewed the top.  I started talking to my dad saying i found the letter and it only felt right to put some of him where he belonged. I sprinkled his ashes in the water, and even though i got sorta grossed out, i knew in my heart that it was what he wanted. Walking away something inside changed. The pain i felt earlier in the day wasn't there any longer.  It was like it blew away with his ashes. Once i reached the end of the pier, i turned around and felt peace.  A kind of peace that i haven't felt yet.  Even though i felt i had closure to his death at his funeral releasing some of his ashes to his favorite place gave me more closure than anything so far. I remember the feeling of goosebumps down my arms as i wiped my tears and whispered; "goodbye daddy".

I know he heard me, and i know that he is happy with my decision.  What amazes me was how beautiful it got outside after i left the pier.  I took some pictures;

Yesterday, was October 27th.  It's officially 6 months since the last time i have had a conversation with my dad. It's weird.  Really weird.  I woke up distracting myself from it and concentrating on finishing the cupcakes i had to make for our Halloween party.  Not only the edible ones, but the one i would be wearing as well.  It was a good night and even though it was hard at first to be around all of my friends and trying to act normal, im glad i went- because it gave my emotions a break. 

The days have gone by so quickly.  Before i know it, it'll be Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year and then my birthday.  It's crazy. But- the peace i've come to find at the pier will only make these first a little less painful.

Miss and love you a lot dad <3

p.s- i haven't touched a worm in 6 months.  It feels weird. (: