Summer at 10:40, officially starts tomorrow. I am SO ready. I need something to look forward to. Something that will hopefully make me feel so much better. This summer i am determined to be the best summer i have had in years. On June 24th of this year, it will conclude one year of my life that has made me fight for every single step I've taken. June 24th 2011 my mom left. Since that day, life has gone crazy. It seemed like when things were getting better- they would make a wrong turn again. BUT- there is sun shining in the darkened parts and everyday it gets a little brighter.
Starting the 11th and 12th of this month- my summer will be amazing. I have a little cousin; Jacob who's 11. He lives in Clarkston and he is graduating elementary school and going to middle school. For his last year at elementary the teachers at his school found an organization that they wanted his fellow classmates to help with. It's called A Space 2 Dream. This organization finds young kids, and teenagers who have gone through traumatic events and they provide them with a place to call their own.
Jacob put in (with his mom Cherie's help) and letter and- June 11th and 12th i am being kicked out of my house so they can redo my bedroom. I am SO excited! It's going to be so cool to see the interpretation the organization and my family has of my put in my bedroom. It's something that i can smile and be happy about. It's someplace that when i'm sad i can go to because it's combined with all the stuff i love.
So- that's a GREAT kick-off for summer. Than shortly after, i am going to the annual Youth for Christ rafting trip. This is the same trip i went to last year- but this time i am going there so much more prepared. I had a lot of fun last year and am anticipating the fun we will have this year.
Following the trip, my nephew Noah is being baptized, and i am becoming his God-mother. I love that little boy with all of my heart- and am so excited to see him grow into a young Christian boy.
Following that, my cousin Haleigh is coming in from Wisconsin to my grandparents lake so i get to spend a week with her- AND i'm bringing my two best friends; Sarah and Felicia. And during that week, i get to see my mom for the first time in forever.
Those are just the beginning of my plans. I have a Desperation Youth trip to Colorado and South Dakota in July, I'm going to Maryland, and so many other places. Not to mention that i have Link Crew, STATIC and knitting club over the summer!
My plans for the summer will continue to grow. I am trying my best to make sure that i am doing something away from my house everyday. I need to make sure that i don't let my mind wander to my dad and my grandma to much. Because i want this summer to be full of excitement and fun- not sadness. Neither my dad or grandma would want me upset about there passing.
I'm excited to take my last final tomorrow- I'm not excited to say goodbye to some people though. I think this year more than any i have really found who my true friends are. They are the one's who stuck by my side through everything I've been through. They are the one's who skipped school to come to my dad's funeral. They are the one's who pick up the phone at 1 am to me bawling. It's gonna make me sad to say goodbye to them. I will see them this summer but with everything going on- I'm not gonna be able to see them everyday- and I'm gonna miss them.
It's not just my best friends who I'm going to miss. It's a lot of people . I think the person i am going to miss the most this summer- someone who i see everyday and go in help every 6th hour is Mrs. Youngs. You honestly helped me SO much this year as well as last. When everything was going on i was really concerned about my homework. You collected it and emailed it to me. On the day of my grandmas funeral- you were there with my Link Crew acceptance letter. Putting a smile i didn't even know i had on my face. Did you know that my own mom didn't make it to her funeral? It hurt she wasn't there but seeing you took time out of your schedule for BOTH of the funerals i had to be at makes me realize how much i appreciate EVERYTHING you have done for me. It's people like you that make hardships, a lot easier to deal with. I've told you this probably a thousand times over the last two years- but i am SO thankful to have you in my life! I anticipate knitting this summer at Panera with you so i can show you pictures of my summer! :)
And what-else I'm going to miss- is my dad and grandma. It's time i let them go. I've been holding onto them not wanting to give them up afraid of being hurt. I haven't let myself grieve to much about my grandma and dad because I've been telling myself that they never left. They have- I've just been holding onto them. But it's time to let go. Time to set them free from my heart and my mind and my thoughts. I feel them with me. I love them and i know they love me. I'm hanging onto the advice and words of wisdom I've received over the last two months. I CAN do this. I can make it through this CRAZY roller coaster. I can- and in the end i will come out on top with my grandma and dad applauding me from heaven. God took away two of my biggest supporters in life- and gave me guardian angels in return.
My dad is up in heaven, able to walk again, without a wheelchair. He is with his mom, dad and sister. He is with his best friend who he witnessed being shot in the service. He is reliving all the time he spent being an amazing father fishing.
My grandma is probably up in heaven having a fit that we threw out load of her old bank statements- but it's okay because she was so cute when she got mad- Lol. She's probably cleaning since that's all she seemed to do- until the week of her passing she loved to clean.
Grandma, daddy- you know i love you. But in order for me to move on with my life- i need to get rid of the pain. I need to realize that you are both okay in heaven and watching over me. You guys will always be on my mind and in my heart- but i just can't think of the bad memories. As Mrs. Ruiz says- look for the joy; so i am looking for the joy in everything we did. Using the memories of us fishing, or sitting on the porch swing singing; "My little Sunshine" to make me think of you. I love you guys and you will be in my heart FOREVER <3
I hope that every one's summer is amazing- and i can't wait to come post about mine!
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