If only

If only.    If only, i had an easier living situation, i may be more open.    If only i wasn't the kind of person who is afraid of my own shadow, i wouldn't be living in fear.   If only i wasn't the kind of person who has so many things to deal with, i wouldn't feel so sad all the time. If only........   If only.......   If only.......


Right now, today, Tuesday, I'm in the worst state of mind I've been in, in months. I'm not going to say much about it, other than i cannot handle this anymore. I can't handle a lot of things.   I'm barely handling school on top of work and my home life.


I give up. I can only handle so much. I'm going to be a quitter. I'm okay with that.


I'm calling quits.


Today, my head is numb. I don't feel anything. Perhaps it's from the tear stained pillows of mine last night. Or maybe from the yawns that wont stop. Or my recollection of my many thoughts last night.

Things will never change, no matter how hard i try, they wont. If only.......