A unexpected conversation.

I haven't been up to date on what is happening the last 2 weeks.  The court case wen t bye and nothing really happened yet, it is rescheduled. During the time we were sitting in the stands, i was intensely starring at my mom looking for a glimpse of sorrow, something to show me she still loved me. She turned her head a few times to quickly see me looking me stare at her and whipping her head back so fast I'm surprised she didn't get whiplash. That hurt. Knowing she hasn't talked to me in months, and now she wouldn't even look at me.  When we left the court room we all decided to go to the chase bank around the corner to cash and split a check between my mom and dad. While we were there, somewhere deep inside me i grasped the courage to go talk to her..... my mom.... the person whom i haven't talked to in forever... who wouldn't even look at me. Well, yea i know it sounds stupid but i had no idea what i was going to say... all i wanted from her at that point was closure. When i walked up to her, i said firmly, "Why wouldn't you look at me?" "Why did you ignore me when i stared at you?"  Why am i at 15 approaching you, to talk, why do i have to always be the strong one?" That's when the tears started to flow from her eyes. Her first response that she repeated over and over was; "I'm sick! , I'm sick! "  Well i told her straight up, she's been sick all of her life. Why does she have to admit it and take the actions she is now? She asked me if i wanted her to move back with my dad, and i simply replied. "NO." When i said that she asked me what i wanted then.... my response was a little harsh, but it was the truth; "All i want from you is closure, you're dead to me. All i want is to hear a goodbye from your lips that way i can move on with my life knowing i had closure from a other who is dead to me. Your done, i don't want you in my life. You never said why you left, you never just called me up to say how you were, how did i know you were even alive? you haven't contacted me in over a month. Just say goodbye so i can think your dead and find peace with myself." At that point tears were rolling down my check. She said goodbye and i walked away, not thinking twice about what i had just said.  When i got to the car, the first thing i did was pray. I prayed for God to be with her because i had just told her everything i had been bottling up for over a month and i felt bad, knowing that it must have hurt... but i felt good getting it off my chest finally. I learned something about myself that day... I learned that i am strong. I don't know how i got through that speech without breaking down, but i did it. I am strong because of God. He gives me the strength to deal with my mom. He has never given me anything i couldn't deal with, at times i didn't think i could handle, but than i felt God's touch telling me i can. This brings me back to my life Bible verse; Isaiah 40:31- But those who trust in the Lord, will renew there strength,  they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Although, yes i could have changed the way i said it to my mom, i do not regret the meaning. I know i showed my self that i can handle obsticals. I have God on my side, and she doesn't and i think thats what makes the biggest difference.... NO I know- that is what makes the biggest difference, because nothing is better than God. NOTHING.