Wow. It has been almost a month since i posted last. The last few weeks have been some of the hardest of my lives. I have had to get on my knees several times and scream to Jesus to help me get through it.
April 27th at 12:17 am, my father passed away. My family and i arrived at the hospital at 12:19. That was one of the hardest moments in my life. I was so confused, because my dad had just gone in the hospital because he had a skin infection. I am still numb to the subject of my fathers passing.... but it doesn't end there.
Monday afternoon my grandma passed away as well. She just gave up after my dad died. I was in my school when i found out the news and if it wasn't for the person who was sitting next to me the whole time, i would have NEVER gotten through that. I would have just shut down clammed it up, went home and cried.
Two of the most important people in my life died in the last week. It is honestly so hard to think about them.
When i am down i call my daddy's house. It always goes to the answering machine- and i hear his voice- and that usually gets me through the day. My dad loved the Cologne Old Spice, so when i still miss him i spray it in my room and lay down. I also play his all time favorite song; House of the Rising sun. All the little things that make me feel like he is still here right next to me.
As for my grandma, every time i walk downstairs i look at her bedroom door. It never used to be shut- but it is now so we don't have to face reality just yet. I miss going in there, laying on her bed with her and just talking. We would talk about the funniest things sometimes, and i can still hear her laugh. I loved that laugh. It always made me feel better when i was sad.
I'm not really sure what's going to happen from here. I'm still numb, and it's going to take a while to get used to the fact that they are no longer here. BUT. I do know one thing; that i will be okay. Why? Because i have AMAZING people in my life. Not just family- but friends, people in Youth for Christ, people from church, and even
It's not only just the people who say they are sorry for my losses in the hallways- it is the people who do even less than that- it's the people around the world that are praying for me and my family.
I belong to Youth for Christ- an organization that has had my back for years. The have spread my story globally- and i have gotten various messages on face book, in my email and phone calls from people literally everywhere saying they are praying for me. I don't even know these people - that's what i find amazing.
God gave me a mess of the last few weeks- but somehow he will deliver a message from it all. Jesus knows me better than anyone i know- i just have to wait patiently.
It may be hard- but it will be okay. I'm not saying i will forget- but i will learn to cope with the pain.
Tomorrow is the viewing for my grandmas funeral. It's not going to be the normal all black funeral though! My grandma told me, as well as my family, that when she died we were not to wear black. We were instead to wear colors to celebrate what a colorful person she was. So- my family and i have decided on mostly wearing colors. My God-daughter is wearing a pink dress, my aunt is wearing red, my cousins are wearing navy blue- and i will be wearing the reddish/pinkish dress i bought about a month ago and she fell in love with.
So, I'm not to sad about tomorrow. I will be with my friends and family wearing various colors, making my grandma happy.
She told me to wear a yellow polka dot dress.... but that's not happening (: Lol, i love the color yellow- but if i buy it i will never wear it again ;D Lol, going to spend the rest of the day by donating my hair, spending time with family and rejoicing in my grandmothers life.
God will NEVER give me more than i can handle. I love and miss you grandma and daddy <3 RIP.
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