A silent cry for hope.

I have no idea of what i am going to write today. It's just so gloomy and i don't feel like doing anything. I guess i  will start off that this was the first week of school, it was pretty good though.  I've been hiding a lot this week, from conversation. When someone asked me about my mom, dad, or my summer, i froze inside. I just say something to answer the question without looking like an idiot and leave that at that. I feel like an idiot when it's all said and done though. Why can't i trust people enough to tell them, how i am REALLY thinking, about how my summer REALLY was?  Some of the people i trust the most at that school, I'm hiding from the most. I don't want them to look at me as the girl who has a mom who could care less about her, and leave her with her dad and serving them with a divorce while doing so many other things to hurt her.I don't want to be seen as the girl who has divorced parents, and has to choose what to do and who to live with at 15. I just want them to see me as myself, before any of this happened. I'm scared that if i do tell someone anything that every one's going to find out. Why am i so afraid of my summer secrets flooding out into the world? It's not like its going to change me? This summer hasn't help mold me into the person i am today, my whole life has. So why am i worried? I'm not quit sure. Maybe i will gain confidence to actually say," my summer wasn't good at all, but i came out the other end stronger" when someone asks me how my summer was.  I just hope it doesn't make a difference. I titled this blog, " A silent cry for hope" because i need hope. I can't just let the actions of this summer take over my life, I can't and i wont. It will take a while but once everything is all said and done, i know i will be a much happier person inside. The first few days of school i was quite and wanted to be alone. I didn't want to be involved with anyone. I didn't say hi to people as i passed them in the hallways- i just took care of myself and was okay with that. As the days moved forward, I've noticed myself smile again. Not afraid of  talking to people and not afraid of being myself- the person I've lost the last three months.  I'm gaining her back, and a little later I'm going to post a song that's help me overcome this summer.