Why.

Why? The question most commonly wondered but never asked or answered. Why is there people who hate themselves so much that they think they should just end there life? Why are there people who get thoughts that they know are bad but decide not to say anything, why? That's one question i can't even attempt to answer, but i hope that someday God provides us with the response that will change the people that are affected by suicide and change there life around. Thinking about a newspaper article that i read today in journalism made me think about it. About suicide, the families and friends that are affected by it and the people who feel guilty for it. Wondering, how those people can handle it. I almost lost my parents to suicide. I think five of my family members know that, and no-one else. It's time we start addressing the whys and the what ifs,because that is the only way we can really change the future. Suicide has made an impact in my life, as it continues to today. My aunt Susan, killed herself, my mom and dad both attempted it- in front if me. My sisters have suffered from depression saying things that have scared me, my friends have said things to me that have made me wonder, whats really going on with them, and most of all- i have had my questions. I'm not saying I'm suicidal or have ever been- i just mean that I've questioned who would really care if something tragic happened to me. Than after a few minuets of wondering that i get smacked in the face with reality saying, " wake up dummy, a lot of people would care."  It's not a child's job to make sure that there parents a re okay, that they aren't overwhelmed with sadness and thoughts of suicide are entering there head, but than why did i feel like it was my fault when both my mom and dad tried killing them self, in front of me? Looking back on it, it gets me upset because my life already sucked enough before any of this stuff came along, and that whole scenario just made it worse. Other than five people in my life, no-one knows anything about this story, i think it's the one thing that i will never feel comfortable telling anyone, which sucks that I'm just going to sweep it under the rug for the rest of my life, but i don't know how to come of it. should i be happy, that by the grace of God, they are okay? Should i be angry that they both attempted this in front of me, blaming me for there choices? What? Why? Why am i even questioning this? Bringing back old memories are tough to face especially when it involves someone who you miss, but don't want to admit it. When it involves someone you love, but don't know how to show it, when it involves someone you wish would just be there for you..... and then you realize that's impossible. Life brings many challenges, I've learned that the best way to deal with them is praying. Some people i know feel very different about that, but i know and believe that even the silliest, stupidest prayer from someone who has never prayed to him before, and has never admitted that he is God; will get heard from him. So i hope that anyone going through the ups and downs of life- will not think of these things; that they will turn to God instead.