Keeping this summer hidden.

The other day a few friends and i walked through the hallways at LCN- to find our lockers and classes. When i was there i just wasn't myself.... i was thinking about what my response would be when someone asked me, how my summer was.  Would i say; it was awesome?, It was okay?, It was good?   What am i going to say? Because every response i say when someone asks me that, I'm just going to be thinking deep down how my mom left... when things started getting better.  I ran into some people at North yesterday and it was uncomfortable talking to them, because i want to keep everything hidden.I've never felt uncomfortable talking to some of the people I've talked to so much, never felt as if i didn't want to talk because i didn't want something to slip about this summer.  But how can i put the good things over the bad? I had some amazing moments this summer.... just not as many hurtful things. Let me see; Good things- I went to camp with Youth For Christ and met amazing people, I went up North a few times, I become a god parent, i made up with my three best friends, i grew closer to God and i learned that i am strong- something some one's been telling me the last few months- but this summer i experienced it. The bad things: My mom back stabbed me again, when things were going so well, my mom left me, she didn't talk to me for weeks, she ignored me at court, i told her that she was dead to me, she gave custody up of me without hesitation, she turned off all of the utilities in my dads house forcing me to move home, she put me in the predicament of making decisions a 15 year old shouldn't be making, Satan tempted me to just give up, and let her win, i haven't written a poem since the last week of school, i haven't talked to the one person i just want to let everything out to since the last day of school(except when i saw her at Lcn, but she was busy and there was too many other people around) and i haven't read the bible on my own other than at church. So many more bad things- but i just cant let go of them I don't know why. I want to forget everything and go back to the way everything was, this summer i changed. I became quite again, i became independent, wanting my own space, peace and quite and just wanting to lounge around.   I'm praying that God gives me the answer to the one question i am afraid of the most......... "How was your summer?"