Friday, September 2, 2011
Why i HATE the word, "Custody".
When i think, hear or see the word, "custody" my head pounds. Because that's the one word, that can describe so many thing. It can describe the fighting and arguing between parents, It can describe the confusion in kids when they have to help decide where they want to live. It describes so many things- all things that i went through this summer. When i thought of the word before this summer, i thought of my dad and i getting freedom from my mom. A lesson i learned from this summer- Life's tough but anyone who can go through divorce and come out stronger; is someone who is amazingly strong. My mom has given me up my whole life, dropping me off at family's houses saying she was going grocery shopping and she'd be back in a little and come back 3 days later only to drop of a bag of clothes and to leave once again... with out me. I read the papers for the custody and i read that she just gave me up. ONCE AGAIN IN MY LIFE SHE HAS LEFT ME. It SUCKS! I cant get it off of my mind. I'm angry I'm sad, I'm hurt and i feel like everything I've ever done for her was a complete and total waste of time. She gave me up and even though i wanted to live with my dad, it still hurts to know that she just gave me up. I'm praying that she doesn't do what she always does- come back only for enough time to drop a bag of clothes off and leave. I want to be a fly on the wall for one day in her life. To see if she ever even thinks about me. I want to know if she misses me, i want to know if she still loves me. I'm asking for too much- i know. I don't know what i want anymore. I just want this year to go bye and the numbness of this pain to ware off. God; please help me- my eyes are covered with a thick fog that wont go away, its making my head spin, i cant see through this thick fog, its blocking my goals and i need it to be removed. Lord be with anyone who has ever had to deal with the pain from custody, divorce, a parent leaving and let them feel your love. I'm scared and i need your help. So please help me. Amen <3
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
My Parents Divorced when i was in 5th grade and was givin the option to live with my father or my Mother and it was clear speaking to my father at the time that me living with him or any of us kids would for that matter is not what he wanted and it showed. its not easy being a kid with parents that struggle with each other. You love them both and dont lose that feeling, just put it in the back of your mind for now. As you get older you have to concentrate on Elizabeth. keep your guard up and keep close the people that truely care about you and i do know there is plenty of family that do. that is one reason aunt alberta is special in my heart because no matter how ruff things got she had that smile on her face and would say HI Dale when i entered the room. Aunt albert didnt have it easy all her life and she survived, work on Elizabeth, be the better person. hugs to you from cousin Dale.
ReplyDelete